Jessica Alba has a very bad hair day, gets some truly ridiculous dialogue., June 19, 2007
By
DarthRad (CA United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer [Theatrical Release] (Theatrical Release) As a child, I was a Fantastic Four fan for about three or four years. Some of the best stories were in the first seven years or so in the life of this comic book, and so I caught just the tail end of all of that. I gave up on the Fantastic Four as the stories got more repetitive and inane, and especially after Jack Kirby's art style mutated, increasingly portraying all of his characters with large square jaws and muscular shoulders, including the women. This looked great on the guys, but made the women look like East German swimmers on steroids. Another of Kirby's unfortunate changes in drawing styles was to give the women huge rinds of awful, unnatural looking hair. Among its many advantages over DC comics, Marvel at that time had some truly gorgeous looking women in its stable (Crystal! Gwen Stacy!), and who can deny that this was one of the reasons that adolescent boys used to read comics? The changes in Jack Kirby's artwork kind of ruined that aspect of Marvel comics for me. And so, still on this topic of gorgeous looking women, Jessica Alba managed to really shine in the first Fantastic Four movie. Imagine my surprise then when Jessica Alba shows up in the very first scene of this new movie looking like she has been sketched by Jack Kirby, with this thick rind of the most unnatural looking orange colored hair you can imagine. This continued through much of the movie, with only a few scenes where she actually looked good. Her blue contacts were very dark blue this time - since real blue eyes are always light blue or grey blue, but never dark blue, this made her look more like a character out of the "Dune" novels - you know, the dark blue eyes of long term exposure to melange. OK, so we know that Jessica Alba isn't a real blonde. We know she doesn't have real blue eyes. We know that she's not a melange spice addict. Somehow or another, though, whoever did her hair and make-up in the first Fantastic Four movie managed to get her blonde hair and blue eyes to come out just right, whereas in this movie, Jessica Alba looks AWFUL. Somebody should consult the makers of the movie "Legally Blonde" about how different lighting and different hair colorings affect the look of blonde hair on people who aren't natural blondes. As for the rest of the movie, yeah, it was OK. The Silver Surfer character was very, very well done, the best part of this movie. Turning Galactus from a giant humanoid god with a ridiculous looking helmet (sort of resembling a bishop's miter with wings/spikes sticking out from the sides) into a giant cloud was a good idea. Dr. Doom redux was OK. But, how the heck did he manage to bring in all of his Dr. Doom gear when he walks into the secure chamber with General Hagar to steal the Surfboard? Whoever wrote the nonsensical dialogue between Reed Richards and Sue Storm should be fired. Some of the sight gags with Mr. Fantastic getting crushed like Silly Putty (especially by Sue Storm) were quite funny. The open cockpit jet that the Fantastic Four used was highly unrealistic - if the thing is traveling several hundred miles per hour, the wind speed on the faces of the occupants would have been enough to cause some serious deformation of their facial features. All in all, a moderately entertaining movie, marred by an uglified Jessica Alba and some bad dialogue writing.
By
DarthRad (CA United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer [Theatrical Release] (Theatrical Release) As a child, I was a Fantastic Four fan for about three or four years. Some of the best stories were in the first seven years or so in the life of this comic book, and so I caught just the tail end of all of that. I gave up on the Fantastic Four as the stories got more repetitive and inane, and especially after Jack Kirby's art style mutated, increasingly portraying all of his characters with large square jaws and muscular shoulders, including the women. This looked great on the guys, but made the women look like East German swimmers on steroids. Another of Kirby's unfortunate changes in drawing styles was to give the women huge rinds of awful, unnatural looking hair. Among its many advantages over DC comics, Marvel at that time had some truly gorgeous looking women in its stable (Crystal! Gwen Stacy!), and who can deny that this was one of the reasons that adolescent boys used to read comics? The changes in Jack Kirby's artwork kind of ruined that aspect of Marvel comics for me. And so, still on this topic of gorgeous looking women, Jessica Alba managed to really shine in the first Fantastic Four movie. Imagine my surprise then when Jessica Alba shows up in the very first scene of this new movie looking like she has been sketched by Jack Kirby, with this thick rind of the most unnatural looking orange colored hair you can imagine. This continued through much of the movie, with only a few scenes where she actually looked good. Her blue contacts were very dark blue this time - since real blue eyes are always light blue or grey blue, but never dark blue, this made her look more like a character out of the "Dune" novels - you know, the dark blue eyes of long term exposure to melange. OK, so we know that Jessica Alba isn't a real blonde. We know she doesn't have real blue eyes. We know that she's not a melange spice addict. Somehow or another, though, whoever did her hair and make-up in the first Fantastic Four movie managed to get her blonde hair and blue eyes to come out just right, whereas in this movie, Jessica Alba looks AWFUL. Somebody should consult the makers of the movie "Legally Blonde" about how different lighting and different hair colorings affect the look of blonde hair on people who aren't natural blondes. As for the rest of the movie, yeah, it was OK. The Silver Surfer character was very, very well done, the best part of this movie. Turning Galactus from a giant humanoid god with a ridiculous looking helmet (sort of resembling a bishop's miter with wings/spikes sticking out from the sides) into a giant cloud was a good idea. Dr. Doom redux was OK. But, how the heck did he manage to bring in all of his Dr. Doom gear when he walks into the secure chamber with General Hagar to steal the Surfboard? Whoever wrote the nonsensical dialogue between Reed Richards and Sue Storm should be fired. Some of the sight gags with Mr. Fantastic getting crushed like Silly Putty (especially by Sue Storm) were quite funny. The open cockpit jet that the Fantastic Four used was highly unrealistic - if the thing is traveling several hundred miles per hour, the wind speed on the faces of the occupants would have been enough to cause some serious deformation of their facial features. All in all, a moderately entertaining movie, marred by an uglified Jessica Alba and some bad dialogue writing.
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